Crossroads

This was a post from my old blog:

I am at a crossroads...

I need to decide ASAP.

I am applying to be transferred to Bicol branch and my application is still pending.

I am having second thoughts the past weeks.

Worried that if I leave my children with their papa, they might rebel.

Worried that my finances will not meet my necessities (as it is already right now).

Not sure if I will be happy living alone for a while without my children.

Worried that this would cause further damage to the family relationship.

Leanne is graduating in college, will be taking the board exam in July and will apply for work afterwards.

As her Mom, I know it is my responsibility to be there for her. To guide her in her decisions. I can't just leave her behind after graduation.

Jan2 is in college and Nikko will also start college in June, I can't just leave them when it is me who keeps tab of their school necessities.

Najel is in grade three....

And right now, I am happy with my friends here at the office... That's important to me. Because I will not be able to overcome all the problems at home when I don't have caring and understanding friends on hand.

Hay,,,, I think it is not yet time to move on to Bicol.

Why do I want to move to Bicol???

Firstly, because I am getting tired of life in the city. I want a slower life. Less travel time to and from the office.

Second, I want to establish our retirement house in Bicol.

Third, I want to get away from Obet for a while. From his "kasungitan"...

I am 38 years old come Feb. 11.

I think it would be very selfish of me if I will insist on transferring to Bicol.

I will only be thinking of my own happiness, without considering my children's feelings.

Well, it's just sometimes I think it's about time to give myself a break...

But then, I think the time is not yet right to leave them on their own. They don't have the wings to fly yet at this time. I would only jeopardize their future.

The house is still unfinished, I want to build a room or two rooms for rent for additional income to pay for the bills.

Okay here's the deal. If my loan with Chinatrust will be approved, then it means I am not meant to transfer to Bicol. Because that money is meant for the construction of the room for rent.

I also have to talk with Obet and the kids (separately)about this again, hear out what they have to say.

Friends, what do you have to say? I need your advice please....

Without parents,,, it is really hard... hmph

See how I could write long posts before? Now, I don't know why I can't do it anymore.

I cannot find my center, I cannot concentrate and be able to freely express my thoughts and my feelings...

I really wish to be able to write this way again!